I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
