no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
