I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
