I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
