I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
