What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
