If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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