So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
