Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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