The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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