anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
