The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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