where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
