i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
