dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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