peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He? As in you personified your dick?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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