Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
