I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize