Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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