..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
