i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hell yes lets make some ravioli
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
