why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
