she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
