I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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