After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
