We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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