I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
