Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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