Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
