so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
