I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
