I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
