i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He? As in you personified your dick?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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