We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
