Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
