I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
