it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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