You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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