id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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