your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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