you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
