he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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