just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
