shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
