i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
