one might say we're banned from that church
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
