Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
