I'm jealous of your bromance
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
