I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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