he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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