Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
