There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
