You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
