Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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