u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
