no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
