And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Pants are for mortals
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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