If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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