Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize