I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
