we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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