I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
