How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
