the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
