I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
