Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its not stalking. its research.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
