I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
