All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
