3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
