I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
