Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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