redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
