These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
