So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
