haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Randomize
