I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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