I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
