Fine. I'll sleep in my office
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
