i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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