I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's rum buckets o'clock
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
