I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
that's an acceptable place to lick
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
