he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
