We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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