I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Pooping to opera.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
