you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
