he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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