apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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