I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
