Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize