It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
