bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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