Me. At least after what I've been through.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
