don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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