I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
my poor anus
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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