Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
