Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize