He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
