hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
