i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
