when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
be right there i have to get my cape
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
