its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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