I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
