so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
