why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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