Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
