He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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