dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
